Saving Grace
by The Duchessina
Summary: AU. Bella Swan found the things Edward left for her in New Moon. When she goes in search of him, she may find much more than what she bargained for. Bella/Edward. UNFINISHED.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This story is a product of me wondering what would have happened if only Bella had found what Edward had left her.**

**Your 'saving grace' is your redeeming quality. I thought it was appropriate. The quote is because it was such a good 'grace' quote (and I love the song.)**

**Read and Review!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **

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_'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,_

_And grace my fears reliev'd;_

_How precious did that grace appear,_

_The hour I first believ'd!_

-- John Newton, Olney Hymns (Amazing Grace)

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Saving Grace

CHAPTER 1

I ran his words through my head every second of every day. Even with the pain, I could not bear to part with his angelic voice, his lovely face. I couldn't let go.

What had I done wrong? When I wasn't thinking of the words that effectively ended my life, I was reviewing the previous weeks, searching for an answer I knew I would never find. What had happened? Jasper, yes, but that could not be the reason. I did not delude myself—I wasn't a genius, but I figured I was fairly intelligent. My encounter with James was a hundred times worse than what I had experienced with Jasper—and Jasper _liked _me, even; he was not hell-bent on my death. James, however, was a different story. James had wanted me dead. _He _was unconcerned for my well-being. I was not a fool—Edward, for all his words about my safety, had not, in the end, convinced me.

But he was gone. In my moment of fear and vulnerability, he had spun an elaborate web of lies that had confused me long enough for him to leave me. Long enough for him to reason to himself and to me that I was better off without him. Even that he didn't love me.

Edward Cullen was, admittedly, a very talented liar. But he needed to hone his skills in relation to lying to the woman he loved.

I had not been fooled. At least, not afterward, in the silence of my thoughts.

I knew, in a corner of my heart, that Edward loved me. I was sure of it.

That's where I hit a dead end. Yes, Edward loved me. Yes, he lied. Yes, he thought it was for my own good. Yes, I loved him back. No, I had no idea where they'd gone. I didn't have an address; I didn't even have their phone numbers anymore. My Edward had indeed been thorough. The numbers had been erased not only from my cell, but the land line, and also Charlie's phone. As I loved him, I also cursed his cleverness. Or perhaps his overconfidence in me. It had been almost a month before I thought of the phones.

Just as he had said, it was if they had never existed. Except for my memories. And I didn't even trust them.

If only I could talk to Alice. I knew she'd help me. _She _had been reasonable, unlike Edward. _She _had known that I was better with him, than without. But Edward, my dear Edward, had made sure the final good-bye was devoid of his more sensible siblings. Of course, he wouldn't want Alice there. I would have seen through the lies if Alice had been there; her face alone could have steered me straight. But he couldn't risk me seeing his lies. He wanted me to believe him, although I couldn't understand why. What did it matter that when he left I believed he loved me or not? Did he think that it would be _easier _for me if I thought he regretted the time spent with me? If _that _was the reason, he was denser than I'd previously thought.

But I'd always thought of Edward as perfect. He wasn't stupid, he wasn't cruel—everything I had associated with Edward did not add up to what had transpired in the forest that day a month ago. It was as if he had been possessed; even then he had seemed surreal—or at least, more surreal than normal, for to me, he had constantly seemed like something made of dreams.

Maybe that's where I had gone wrong. I thought of Edward as perfect, but despite the fact that he wasn't human, he was far from perfect, as he'd told me so long ago. He truly might have thought that he was doing me a favor, leaving—when in reality, it was the worst thing he could have done. In over a hundred years, he had never experienced something like this, so I could forgive him. If I'd been in his place, would I have done the same? Would I have given up love for my love's life? Could I do that now?

But I wasn't strong. Not like Edward. He was strong, not only in body but in mind as well. He could withstand mental torture. The overpowering smell of my blood attested to that fact.

And he loved me. I had to repeat that phrase many times a day. Many, many, many times. If I could hold on to that, if I could find the courage to still trust that fact, I would live. Edward loved me. He _did_.

Repeat it, Bella. _Edward _loved me. Edward _loved _me. Edward loved _me_.

It was true. It was the only thing I had left of him. His love.

I just wished that he'd left me something tangible. Something that I could rely on. Like his CD. God, why did Edward take that too? Why couldn't he leave _something_? Did he want me to suffer?

No. Back away from that thought. It would lead to other, not so kind ones.

And I could never think anything bad about Edward. Even after that night in the forest.

But once again, I had nothing else. I had no way to contact or find my one-time future family. Nothing. Edward must have threatened them. Alice would have wanted to give me something. But a month had passed. I would have received something by now.

Gently, I stroked the cover of _Sense and Sensibility_. I remembered when, before I was aware of the true nature of the Cullens, I had been frustrated to find that the main character's name was Edward, just when I needed to forget about him. Now, though, I took solace in the novel, relishing the look of Edward's name in print. It made him real.

It was something I desperately needed, yet seriously lacked.

My own reality. My life back.

I needed Edward.

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	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Okay, here's chapter two. The next chapter, though, is where things are going to start happening very quickly. **

**Disclaimer: If I was Stephenie Meyer, I'd live in Arizona (I don't) and have kids (no) and have a LOT of money (I wish!)**

**I hope you enjoy!**

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CHAPTER 2

It was Friday. I had three essays to write, about fifty problems in math, and half of _The Merchant of Venice _to read. It was promising to be a very boring weekend.

Was I ever wrong.

I had stupidly tried to carry all of my things across my room, balancing them precariously. Though I was holding more than any sane person would dream of holding, and the fact that I was the worst klutz to ever grace the planet, I was determined to make this relatively easy trip.

I had no such luck.

I had made it maybe four paces before I fell. Hard. On the wood floor. And I dropped everything. Obviously.

My foot had caught on something in my floor boards. Angrily, I grabbed at the offending piece of floor, and yanked on it with all my might. To my greatest surprise, it came loose with such little effort that I flung myself backwards. I was shocked. Why had my floor broken like that—?

As I leaned over the new hole in the ground, I found out.

I breathed out many things that I can't remember now. But I'm sure one of them was—"That stupid bastard!"

Someone—and I had a good guess _who_—had opened a certain loose board and stuffed quite a few things in there. Some quite valuable things, in my opinion.

Slowly, as if I was afraid they would disappear as he did, I reached for my things. My fingertips brushed the CD in its case, glittering at me. My other hand gripped the plane tickets that we were supposed to use. The flight did not leave for a few months yet. But the most important thing—the picture of him—was at the bottom, hidden from view by everything else he had claimed to taken with him.

_It will be as if I never existed. _

But only if I didn't find my things. Oh, Edward. Sweet Edward.

But why? Had he forgotten? I instantly disregarded that thought. Of course Edward, of all people, wouldn't have forgotten to take what he said he would. He must have left them for a purpose—and what could that purpose be? To follow?

_I don't want you to come with me._

He was an excellent liar, as I'd already said. But that was regarding his lie about loving me. Did his other words count too? Did he lie the entire time, or was the rest honest to God truth?

I hated him. I loved him.

Must he be so confusing? Either lie with every word, or be truthful! Was that too much to ask?

Apparently so.

I wanted to cry with joy and sorrow. He'd healed my aching heart and torn it apart again, all with one simple, or not so simple, gesture. Leaving me my possessions. My memories. He'd left everything he threatened to take. He'd given me such a wondrous gift: hope.

God. I'm such a moron. He did want me, of that I knew—and he wanted me to love him as well. He wanted my forgiveness. I could almost imagine his voice in my mind:

_"Bella, forgive me. I did it for you. You should never be forced to give up your soul."_

The stark _reality _of his voice echoing in my head was discerning. I hadn't thought I would remember so well; I was no vampire, and did not have a vampire's superb memory. In my dreams, his voice was not so perfect, his features not as stunning as the picture showed. A thousand words would never describe my Edward, even in a photo. It did not do him justice.

Reluctantly, I tore my eyes from his image. I flopped backwards to land solidly on my spine. A small groan escaped me, though I was not worried about Charlie hearing. Since I'd taken the Cullens' mysterious disappearance better than he'd thought, Charlie had spared no expense to make me comfortable. He had even offered to buy me a new car. It was too close to what Edward had once said. I vehemently refused any special treatment. I had asked one thing of him: that, while I was in my room, I would be left to my own devices. I did not want him to see me cry over the hopelessness of the situation. I had wondered if he thought I was doing myself harm; the first week, he insisted on looking after me, and I saw his poorly concealed attempts at peaking at my arms.

So I sat on my newly-ruined floor and missed Edward terribly.

The idea came suddenly. My eyes were roaming around my bedroom, looking but not seeing. As they landed on the tickets that had been for a visit to my mother for Edward and me, it came.

I would find Edward. All I had do to was look for him; I'd stored all the knowledge that I'd gained about the people I was to live with, learning everything I would need to know for when I was turned.

They would be somewhere there was little to no sun.

They would hit a small town. Not a large city, like my beloved Phoenix. No, a place like Forks was were they would settle. For a few years, before moving on. I had a few years.

A few years! I did not want to be human as Edward remained unchanged. I would have to move fast.

Damn. Cold, small; the adjectives described almost half the world. What an idiot I was. From their stories, I knew they would not confine themselves to one country, or even one continent. And where in the world would I start? Would they get as far away as possible, or would they only move far away enough that we didn't accidentally ran into each other? Knowing Edward, and knowing that he was serious about my mortality, I figured that he would make it as difficult as possible for me to track them. He would not want to lie to me again, to tell me that all my efforts were wasted. I certainly had my work cut out for me.

But hey—people did crazy things when they were in love.

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**I'd like to know what you think, so please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Wow. Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I really love reading them, because I really do like to hear what people think of my writing. Thanks again!**

**Okay, so I said last chapter that things would start to go very fast in this chapter. Um, no, not anymore. It seems the fast stuff will start to happen more like chapter five or six. Sorry. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, even though I'd really like to own Edward! :)**

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CHAPTER 3

_Ding-dong. Ding-dong. _

The incessant ringing of the doorbell knocked my effectively out of my thoughts. I reviewed the past few days, and couldn't recall inviting anyone over, or planning a trip with anybody at school. Could it be a visitor for Charlie? But Billy Black was the only real friend Charlie seemed to have; that's not to say he didn't have other acquaintances, people he would talk to, like Harry Clearwater, or that guy from the police station, or John from the store. But someone close enough to come by for an unexpected visit? No.

The bell rang again, and I pushed myself off the ground angrily. _Stupid person_, I grouched. My footsteps were loud as I pounded down the stairs. Still cursing whoever had completely ruined what was the beginning of my second life, I threw open the door.

"Trick or treat!" a group of kids shouted at me, their face upturned and expectant.

My jaw dropped. Halloween? Was this some ill-conceived joke? There was no way it could be October 31st already . . .

. . . or it could be. To be honest, I hadn't been keeping track of the actual dates since Edward left. For all I knew, it could be Christmas.

"Howdy boys and girls! Who wants some candy?" Charlie moseyed over to the door, dressed in full costume: a western sheriff, with the fake gun, badge, and boots. I stared.

"Bella? Are you okay?" Charlie's tone changed dramatically from the happy-go-lucky to the overly concerned parent.

"I'm fine, Dad," I said quickly. "I just—just didn't realized it was Halloween already." I smiled to show him there was no danger.

The panic on his face receded immediately. "That's okay, Bells, I almost forgot too. I ran to the store just this afternoon to grab some candy," here he turned to face the group of trick-or-treaters, "for the kids! Here you go, take a handful; it's fine, go ahead!"

I watched Charlie have some fun with the slightly older children; he would pretend to debate whether or not they'd be getting candy, hold the bowl out of reach, or something else just as weird and lame. But he enjoyed it. Who was I to begrudge him that?

I stayed downstairs, watching Charlie. In between groups of kids, we talked. Charlie asked me about school; I told he everything was going great. As always, his eyes stayed on mine, as if waiting for me to break down in tears. I wanted to tell him I was stronger than that, but I knew with time, he would understand.

We received our last trick-or-treaters at 7:30. They were older kids, probably seventh graders. One was dressed as Cleopatra, another as a pirate, and another as a vampire. The vampire grinned at me, revealing his fangs. At my suddenly sharp look, he stopped smiling. They left quickly; they didn't humor Charlie as others had done.

As we cleaned away the sparse decorations Charlie had hastily put up a few hours before, I wondered if he had caught my slightly betrayed face at the sight of the vampire. It didn't make sense; Edward and his family were nothing like the fictional vampires that that kid had used as a costume.

It shouldn't bother me so much.

But it did.

I dreamt of him that night. We were at what I thought of as our meadow, and I was spread out on a blanket he had brought, and he was beside me. We were smiling at each other, and I laughed, and his eyes got that look he sometimes had; the look that said he loved me, only without the words. But then Victoria came, and screamed, and Edward shouted. I couldn't see anything for the smoke. When it cleared, I was all alone. I spent hours searching and crying his name, but he didn't come back. Victoria appeared and said, "He didn't want you. He didn't love you."

I woke up screaming, sweat pouring off of me like I'd just been out in the rain for hours. With a gasp, I hurled myself out of bed, toward the bathroom. I splashed water on my face, and looked into the mirror.

I saw a woman who'd spent the last month thinking of a—for lack of a better word—man who had left her.

I saw a woman who was sick of tired of waiting for her Prince Charming to get it into his head that she loved him.

I saw a girl who was scared.

But I also saw a woman who was ready for what the world could give her. I saw a woman who could face that world and live to tell the tale. I saw a woman who was strong.

Feeling more confident, I relaxed against the sick, and tried not to think that it's coolness felt exactly like Edward's skin. I glanced at the clock. 4:00 am. Too early to stay up, too late to go back to sleep. I sighed. I suppose I could work on where to start searching for Edward . . . I just needed to get the computer started, and that might take awhile.

Walking back to my bed was more tiring than I'd previously thought. Maybe some sleep before that Google search . . . but I didn't want to dream again . . .

In the end, it didn't matter what I wanted. I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

My alarm beeped the time. _Get up! _It screamed at me. _You have work to do! _

I rolled out of bed and hit the hole in the ground. "Ugh," I groaned. Go to work, Bella. Get the computer running. I clicked on my name, then waited for the stupid thing to boot up.

I clicked on the Google Maps feature, and waited. Again. Search, search, what to search? "Cold small towns?" That wouldn't work.

God. I hit the palm of my hand to my forehead. I was so _stupid_! Didn't all the Cullens talk about it? Hadn't Edward himself told me about his time there, even during the time I knew him? He'd used the exact place to escape my blood's smell.

I would go to Alaska. I would find those other good vegetarian vampires. If anyone knew where the Cullens would be, they would.

And if they wouldn't tell me, I'd have to get creative.

But it was a start.

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	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This chapter gave me a little trouble. (That's why this chapter feels so short.) I know where I want to go with this story, but I'm not quite sure how I want to get there. It feels like driving a car without a map, but you know that the place you're going to is north, or something like that.**

**I don't know when I'll update again, only because these next few chapter are going to continue to give me trouble.**

**I hope you enjoy it anyway!**

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CHAPTER 4

I ate cereal that morning. I watched Charlie as he ate eggs. My eyes followed his every move for duration of the meal, trying to determine when it was best to spring my question. He seemed particularly happy; last night might have had something to do with that.

"Dad?" My voice was squeaky and terrified.

Charlie was on alert. "Yes, Bella?"

I swallowed. "Dad, do you think I could visit Mom?"

Since eight that morning, I had thought about how to get to Alaska. Charlie was too watchful; the the incident, he kept tabs on me. But Renée—she was too much of a kid herself to keep a close eye on her daughter. When I was with her, I could easily convince her I would go for a little week trip somewhere close; as long as I contacted her, she wouldn't worry.

Not like Charlie. I think the whole James thing threw him off. He couldn't be fine with a simple, "Hey, Dad, I'll be gone for a week. Where? I can't tell you!"

He slowly put down his fork. He rested both hands, palms facing down, on the table. "I—I thought you like it here?" I could hear the pain in Charlie's voice—he wanted me to be happy, but he wanted me to be happy here. Like what he did with Renée, I knew he'd let me go, if I told him that's what I wanted. Charlie aimed to please.

"I do like it here, Dad," I said, reaching for his hands, "But I'd like to visit Mom. You know, for a weekend or something."

His face brightened considerably. "Oh! Oh, a weekend trip. Yeah, yeah; Bella, that's great! Renée—I mean, your mom would love that. Right?" Worry creased his brow again. "She'd like that, huh?"

"Definitely!" I was quick to assure Charlie everyone would like it; and yes, I would be back after the weekend.

His smile was contagious. Soon the two of us were grinning at each other like idiots. "I'll call her tonight," Charlie promised on the way out of the house, "And we'll get your plane tickets online—"

"Sounds great!" I shouted as he jogged to his car. "Talk to you later!"

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That night, we did as planned. Charlie called Renée, and she, of course, was thrilled that I wanted to spend a weekend with her. As I consulted the calendar, Charlie chatted amiably with Renée.

"Sure, she's been doing great. Uh, yeah. Sure thing, Renée. No, no, nothing like that. Much better," he lowered his voice, "Happier, you know? Like this was a cleansing thing. Yeah," his voice rose to its normal pitch, "Yep. Bella? Dates?"

"I have a Monday off in a week," I said, "It's a teacher day. Maybe I could go then? Fly in on Friday, stay Saturday and Sunday, then fly back Monday?" I looked at Charlie hopefully. He nodded his approval.

"Did you hear that Renée? Good, good." He winked at me, showing the weekend was good for her as well. "Great! She'll see you then."

He hung up the phone, and turned to me. "So Bells, what time do you leave?"

As Charlie had finished the conversation, I had booked my flight there and back. Round trip, direct flight, so no one would worry.

"The plane leaves Seattle at seven, Dad," I told him. "Early dinner that night?"

"Only if you're going to eat. And don't worry about me, Bella, I can fend for myself!" He had caught my concerned look. I knew Charlie couldn't cook; I felt guilty for leaving him for an undetermined amount of time. He might think that I'd be back in time for school on Tuesday, but the truth was harsher. I didn't know when I'd be back.

* * *

That night, I dreamt of him again.

He was kissing me, really kissing me—his lips slid over mine, and he breathed into my ear, "I love you, Bella." His arms, which were around my waist, my shoulders, tightened.

He kept kissing me. And I kissed him back, pressing against his body, hands reaching for his hair.

Unlike last night, when I woke, I was content. Happy. Hopeful. I had a plan, didn't I?

Mmmm. It was Sunday. Charlie had the day off, and I had finished my work yesterday, in between Google searches on Alaska. Still feeling guilty about leaving Charlie for who-knows-how-long, I suggested a father-daughter day.

His smile was all the reward I needed.

Since neither of us had ever done a father-daughter anything, we tossed a coin to find out what we would do. Charlie won (thanks to a little trick one of Renée's magician boyfriends had taught me once.)

He grinned again, like a schoolboy who'd been told, "Of course you don't have to go to school! Ice cream for dinner? Sure!"

This was my last chance to really give Charlie a good time. I'd wasted all those other years, so maybe, just maybe, this could help make up the lost time.

"So, Dad, what do you want to do?" Please, Dad, if you have any love for me, not fishing. Not fishing. Not—

"Fishing!" Charlie cried, looking as happy as I've ever seen him. "I'm going to take my little girl fishing!"

Oh, boy.

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As I got ready for bed that night, I silently counted the days. Five. In five days I would be on my way to Jacksonville, with my mother. A few days after that, I would be on another plane on my way to a much more exotic place: Alaska.

For my sake, I hoped I would be able to find those vampires.

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	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Well here it is! Sorry for the long wait for this chapter, but now I feel much better about the next few. However, since **_Breaking Dawn _**is coming so soon, and we know at least Tanya from Alaska will be in it (see the Breaking Dawn Quote of the Day) I've decided to wait until the release of Breaking Dawn to post the next chapter. (A future chapter will feature the Alaskan vampires.)**

**Read and enjoy!**

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CHAPTER 5

The week passed very slowly. On Monday, Jessica was dying to tell me about a date she had had the night before. She spent the entire lunch period telling anyone would would listen how gorgeous this guy was.

On Tuesday, we had a pop quiz in English. I think I failed.

Wednesday saw Mike Newton once again asking me out. I think my refusal was a bit harsh that day.

I got my English quiz back on Thursday. I failed.

When Friday finally rolled around, I was a bundle of nerves. Wondering if I would really have the guts to leave my mother while staying with her wore me out so much that I forgot to cook an early dinner, like I'd promised Charlie. He waved it off, handed me twenty bucks for an airport dinner, and drove us both to Seattle.

"Now Bella," he said as I got out of the car, "Call me if you need anything. I'll see you later." He shifted slightly, embarrassed.

"Sure, Dad," I said, equally embarrassed.

He waved, his face still red, as I made my way into the airport. I thought of the last flight I'd been on alone. I had just left sunny Arizona. I hated life then, thinking that Forks would be dull and gloomy. Lifeless. I had been right on one account, at least, though not in the way I had expected.

I had one carry-on. I'd taken a small box and stuffed Edward's CD, the plane tickets for a few months from now, and his picture into it. I put the small box in my fairly large bag, which, I had told Charlie, was really a purse, and of course they'd let me carry it on.

I fell asleep on the flight.

The plane landed very early on Saturday morning. Renée was there to greet me, even at that ungodly hour. She was all smiles and hugs, but after we got into the car, she became very serious.

"Now, Bella, I know you told Charlie that this was only a weekend trip—" she grinned, "—but I think we both know why you're here." She frowned a bit, trying to gauge my reaction. "Well, sweetie, I think that, with everything going the way it is, you'd be better in Jacksonville."

That surprised me. I thought my mother would rant and rage about Charlie, and Forks, sure—but to go so far as to suggest I was to move back with her, that was unexpected.

"Mom," I began, before being interrupted.

"Sweetheart, you knew Forks was a bad idea. I'm just upset that it happened like this—you being hurt, and all."

I shook my head, "Mom this really is just a weekend visit."

She deflated. "Oh. Oh, I see." She gave a watery smile.

"Mom!" I groaned. I grabbed her wrist, and she turned to face me, tearing threatening to pour down her face. "Mom, I love you. I just have some thinking to do. In Forks."

She nodded, with a strange look on her features. "Are you sure you need to do the thinking in Forks, Bella?" she asked, this time not in an effort to keep me with her. Renée had always been the more perceptive of the two of my parents, even the two of us.

I hated it.

* * *

Renée spent the whole day watching me and I could practically see the wheels turning in her head. The car ride to her house wasn't the only time she attempted to bring up Edward, however distantly or indirectly, in our conversation.

I didn't think of the horrible plan I'd been concocting on the flight. I had two option in the plan, true, but both involved lying to my mother, and it hurt to do that. I'd never had to keep the truth from her before, but somehow, I didn't think she'd understand. Not about this.

My days with Renée flew by quickly. Before we knew it, it was Sunday night, and, being the coward that I am, I hadn't spoken to her about leaving. And not just the leaving she _knew _I was doing.

I had thought maybe I could convince Renée to give me one of her credit cards, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized I would never be able to come up with a good enough lie for something like that. Which left the option of stealing it.

That's how, on Sunday night, I was dumping the contents of my mother's purse. Sifting through the mess that my mother called "essential" to living, I dug up a credit card and her ID. Renée had about a dozen credit cards; she wouldn't miss one.

But her ID presented another problem. Would I need it? I looked enough like my mother that if I wore a good amount of make up, and dressed like a woman who was thirty-something, I could pass for her. And she looked a bit younger in the ID picture anyway. The real problem: what if Renée needed it while I was gone? Could she replace it?

I didn't know. And although the guilt was turning my stomach, I had to do it.

I carefully threw all my mother's belongings back into her purse. I took her ID and credit card to the guest room, though.

I could have forged my mother's name while she was still unmarried. I had seen her sign enough report cards, and parent forms, and birthday cards to family members, to sign everything exactly like her. But Renée's new name was different. I could barely remember how to spell it, let alone write it in my mother's hand.

I spent that night practicing. Her signature on her ID was a little small, but I recognized the familiar curve of the _R_ in Renée.

_Renée Dwyer._

I tried to imitate my mother's unique twist of her y and the careful loop of the w. I did my mother's signature so many times that night, that now I do feel it is my own. I could sign something in my sleep, and it would look just as it would if Renée herself signed it. Renée Dwyer. Renée Dwyer. Renée. Dwyer.

Renée Dwyer.

_Renée Dwyer._

Good. I packed away both cards in my wallet, in my purse, right beside Edward's box, as I called it now.

Renée and Phil took me to the airport. She hugged and kissed me goodbye, and Phil gave me a firm handshake, and told me to be good. I saw Renée make a face behind her husband, and I struggled to contain my giggles. I thought of the sadness I might have had, but I needed to find Edward.

Renée waved as I walked into the building, and when I turned, she was still there, her hand upraised in her farewell. I felt my heart squeeze at my mother's actions.

"I love you!" I shouted, trying to be heard of the hustle of the airport.

She heard me. "Love you too, sweetheart!"

I smiled, squared my shoulders, and marched on.

* * *

I did not fall asleep on the flight to Seattle. I made it through the entire flight, and when I changed planes, I tried not to think of Charlie, waiting outside for me to arrive. Not a lot, at least.

After the plane landed, I headed to my next flight: Anchorage.

I knew Charlie was just outside the airport, probably staying in the car, looking for me.

Thinking about Charlie made me glance at my cell phone. With a start, I realized someone had left a message. Edward?

I flipped my cell open, and listened to the recording.

_"Hey, Bells, it Dad. So we've been having this freak weather storm here in Forks, and I'm surprised the phone's still working, so I'll make this fast. The school called. You have the rest of the week off because of the snow. And I don't know if I can come and get you tomorrow, so just stay with your mom for a few days longer, okay? I'll be there to pick you up later in the week. I think this'll be a great opportunity—"_

There was some fizzing, then the line went dead.

Wow. I was having such luck! Charlie wouldn't worry for days, thinking I was with Renée, in Jacksonville. Renée had seen me to the airport, so she was sure that I was with Charlie in Forks. And with the phones out, neither would ever know I wasn't with the other . . .

It was as if someone had planned this all out. There would be no school for a week, so I didn't have to worry about homework, or tests, or even work, probably . . .

Well. This was a very good beginning to my little adventure.

* * *

**Review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: The awaited sixth chapter! You may blame _Breaking Dawn_ for the very slow update. It took forever to finish it . . . . . and I don't really feel like talking about it. Good thing this story's already AU! (That means no major spoilers, but maybe minor ones later, like the vampires' powers.) I wanted to wait until I finished reading BD because I thought I could get a really good grasp on the Alaskan vampires' characters (Tanya in particular.) **

**So sorry again for the long wait, hopefully the next chapter will be up much sooner than it took me for this chapter!**

**As always -- read, enjoy, review!**

**Disclaimer: (I seemed to have forgotten these!) All recognizable characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I'm just playing! ;)**

**P.S -- All places and/or facts (i.e. the town's name, and its population, and the distance) are completely true. I did my research!**

* * *

CHAPTER 6

" 'Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!' "

Patricia grinned at me, triumphant. We were three hours into our flight to Anchorage, and Patricia O'Connor occupied the seat next to mine. She was a kindly older woman—mid-sixties, I would guess. For the last hour we had been playing a game she had thought of: recite as many famous lines of classics as you could.

I wagged my finger in my new friend's face. "I don't think so," I said, "That's only in the movie."

She looked offended. "I'll have you know, Rhett Butler says that line in the book as well."

When my grin only grew, she glared. "What?" she demanded.

I giggled. "Well, for one thing, in the book, he doesn't say _frankly_. And for another, we weren't using movies."

"You sly thing, you!" she said affectionately. "And who said we weren't allowed to use movies?"

She had me there. "I just assumed—"

"Don't assume things, dear." A glint appeared in her eyes. "Your turn."

With a sigh, I turned my thoughts to other novels. I began, " 'A rose by any'—"

"No, no!" she laughed. "I did that quote at the beginning of the game. And no Shakespeare, Bella! Not this turn."

"That's not fair!" I protested. "And we counted your misquoted quote. So—'The quality of mercy is not strained . . .' "

Patricia frowned. "Is that Shakespeare?" she asked.

I put my hand to my heart. "My dear Patricia, of course it is! _The Merchant of Venice_? Portia of Bellmont, and her lover Bassanio? Shylock, the money-lending Jew? Antonio, and his payment of a pound of flesh?"

She started at me for a little while, then broke into a smile. "Oh, yes!"

I nodded my head at her, and she whispered, " 'It is a truth universally acknowledged . . .' "

My heart almost stopped. "No," I said sharply. "No Jane Austen now."

Patricia smiled. "If you say so, dear."

I stared at her, and she looked back with equally intense eyes. After a second, I glanced away. There was still too much pain, and it was still too raw.

"If you don't mind me asking," Patricia began half and hour later, "What's in Anchorage?"

I stroked the fabric of my bag. "I don't know what's in Anchorage," I whispered. "But there is something very precious to me somewhere in Alaska."

My new friend shifted uncomfortably. "If you need a place to stay—" she trailed off. Reaching into her purse, she retrieved a card. "Here's my son's address," she told me softly. "I'll be staying with him for the next few months. Even after that, I'll make sure he has a place for you, should you need it."

Tears clouded me vision. "Thank you," I gasped. "This is—this is so nice of you."

My gratitude brought a blush to the older woman's cheeks. "No problem. You're such a sweet girl . . . "

* * *

I stood in the middle of the airport. I hadn't thought this far ahead—I wasn't old enough to rent a car, and I didn't know anything about Anchorage. I hadn't exactly researched the city map. The Google search went more like this: _little town in Alaska, not near large cities._

I didn't get much.

One small town in particular stood out in my mind. Delta Junction, Alaska. It wasn't very close to Anchorage. The distance was something like three hundred miles. I do know that Delta Junction had under 1,000 people—and it seemed like a good vampire place. This population was a third of what Forks had.

And I just had this feeling. I hoped I was right.

* * *

Since I really had no where else to go, I went to Patricia's son's house. He was a friendly man, whose black hair was already balding. He lived alone, and he reminded me of Charlie, at the house, with no one to keep him company, or cook him a dinner that was edible.

His name was William, though he insisted that I call him Will. I had lunch with the O'Connors that day, and over the meal, we discussed my plans. Or rather Patricia and Will did.

"She can't _rent _a car," Will pointed out after his mother told him what I was looking for was not in Anchorage.

"No," Patricia said thoughtfully. "She can't rent a car." Will and I gave her a strange look.

She grinned. "Will, do you still have that car Adam gave you?"

Will's face brightened. Even though he was in his forties, he acted like a teenager. "Yes! And it gets great gas mileage . . . "

"You don't even need it, it's so old," his mother continued. "You also have the other car."

Will turned to me. "Bella," he said, "You can have this old car to go and find whatever it is!"

I winced. "No, no, you've already done enough," I protested. "You can't just give me a car!"

Patricia evaluated my stance. "You can bring it back, you know."

I hesitated. The second-long pause was enough for both O'Conners to get excited.

"This will work, I know it!"

"Bella, this is perfect!"

I reached out an grabbed Patricia's hands. "Thanks."

She smiled sadly. "Bella, I think I understand more than anyone."

I think she was right.

* * *

They helped me pack the car. Maps, snacks, and my luggage. Will hugged me tightly, and said "Good luck, kid."

Patricia was more emotional.

Her tears almost undid me, because without her generosity and kindness, I knew I would not be on my way to see Edward right now. When she hugged me, her grip was fierce, and she whispered into my ear with a forceful voice I didn't know she had—"You are stronger than you think, Bella."

Then she pulled back and smiled. "I hope you find him."

I was about to say, "Me too," before I remembered I had not said I was looking for a person. My mouth fell open, and Patricia wagged a finger at me. "You can't fool a mother, dear. Now get going. And remember that you always have a place here."

I hugged her again. "Bye," I called as I climbed into the run-down vehicle.

They waved to me as I drove down the street.

_Here I come, Edward._


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: This chapter goes out to **SubParPerfection **whose sob story/review motivated me to write another chapter the same day I posted the last one. So everyone can thank her for this speedy update! While we're thanking people, big thanks to **Permanent Rose **who has wonderfully allowed me to PM her with ideas. **

**Oh, and somone asked why I have Tanya and her sisters living in Delta Junction when it says in the books they live in Denali. Well, part of that is because it never says where they live in New Moon or Twilight (I think we have confirmation of their location only in Breaking Dawn, but I could be wrong.) And the other part is I forgot, and used Delta Junction! Which is a real place. And all places referred to in this chapter are real (the visitor's center, inn, and diner.) All the info I got was from the wonderful internet. **

**And on with the story!**

* * *

CHAPTER 7

The ride to Delta Junction was long. More than six hours after I had left Patricia and her son, and I was still on the road. It did not help that I had taken a wrong turn fifty miles back—or the fact that every single piece of construction that could ever happen at one time was happening.

When I finally arrived in Delta Junction, I noticed the sign. It was a large wooden sign that hung from a wooden bar, which in turn was supported by two wooden posts. It read: _Welcome to DELTA JUNCTION—"Alaska's Friendly Frontier."_

Below that, another, smaller sign: _"END OF THE ALASKA HIGHWAY." _

It might as well have read "End of civilization."

I drove to the visitor's center. I had expected it to be tiny—one room, maybe, and some maps. Instead, it was a regular-sized place, with a near-by camping ground. The woman at the front desk informed me Delta Junction was _the _place to go if you wanted spectacular views, or some camping sites.

And she also told me that there were vast public lands, full of moose and other wild-life.

Paradise for a vampire.

She directed me to two places I would need: Kelly's Alaska Country Inn, and the Buffalo Center Diner. I thanked her quickly, and wandered out. I thought about going to the Inn first, to drop off my suitcases, but one part of my brain insisted that to get information, I would need to go where people gossiped: the diner. I followed the visitor's guide that I had picked up to the Buffalo Center Diner. It was a quaint restaurant; it held all the charm of an old establishment that has seen both good and bad years, and lived through them all to tell the tale. The people inside was happy, and the mood was light. I steeled myself, repeating the lie I had come up with to get my information.

I walked in. A young man about my age smiled as he walked by with a tray full of plates. It smelled heavenly, and for the first time that day, I remembered my hunger. I sat at a stool, and in a few minutes, the handsome guy came over.

"What can I get you, miss?" he asked in an easy-going manner, his eyes taking in my travel-worn clothes. I wished I'd taken the time to go to the Inn before coming here.

"Um, just a cup of coffee, please," I mumbled, suddenly embarrassed. What did I expect? That these people would come up to me and say, "Hey, you looking for the freaky people who might be vampires?"

"Got it," he said. Then he smiled at me again, encouraging. "You here for camping?"

I shook my head. "Uh, no. I'm—" My lie stuck in my throat. "I'm looking for my—my sister." It was a different lie than what I would have told, but it made sense. I could look for Alice, since she almost was my sister.

"Oh, really? Who is she?" He looked interested. He probably thought he knew her.

I shook my head again. "Her name is Alice Cullen, and she's here visiting friends."

He seemed confused. "And you're looking for her? If you don't mind me asking, why are you looking for your sister?"

I fumbled for another lie. "I got on a different flight, so I'm here early. And I don't know where her friends live."

My waiter brightened. "Why don't you tell me their names? I think I may be able to help you."

It took me one second to decide. "Okay, but I don't know their last names," I remembered another thing, "But they're sisters."

"Okay, let me try," he replied eagerly.

"Tanya, Kate, and Irina," I said. "Know them?"

His face changed drastically. "Oh. Them." He was silent. His eyes flickered from my face to the cup of coffee in my hand. He moved slightly, angling himself away from me.

"What?' I demanded. "Aren't you going to tell me?" His sudden mood changed frightened me, and I was beginning to wonder if I'd stumbled upon a lunatic in my search for Edward.

"Are you _sure _that's their names?" he asked quietly. "I don't think your sister would hang out with _those _kinds of people."

I took a deep breath. "Please just tell me."

He shifted uncomfortably. "They live a few miles out of town, off of the highway. But don't go there!" His intensity reminded me of the reaction of Jessica and Lauren back in Forks. Of course. Tanya and her sisters were _vampires_, for God's sake. I should have known that their very _presence _was enough to worry people, even if those people weren't sure why they didn't trust the family.

"Thanks," I gasped, and grabbed my purse, "I gotta go!"

* * *

I had never been so nervous before in my entire life. My hands gripped the wheel so tightly that my knuckles turned white. I held my breath as I neared the exit that lead to Tanya, Kate and Irina's house. I imagined my reunion with Edward a thousand different ways, and they all ended with one of two scenarios: with him agreeing to return to Forks with me; or with him agreeing to change me into a vampire. I struggled to perfectly remember his voice, and his face—even his cold hands, and how they fit in mine.

I followed the one-way dirt road up the side of a hill. I instantly thought of the Cullens' own home, where it was hidden so well in the dense forest of Forks. I wondered distantly how the waiter had known where the vampires lived; Edward' family was so secretive, no one in Forks save me knew the actual location of the infamous Cullen house. Perhaps it was a guess. Perhaps the Alaskan vampires were not as experienced as my family.

As I turned a sharp curve in the road, a large house loomed into view. It was an exact replica of the house in Forks, down the the cars in the driveway. There was Edward's silver Volvo . . .

I slammed on the brakes. Surely Edward must know I was here, despite his inability to read my mind. He would be able to leave—he might have left already. The very thought of that made my weak human heart pound, and I burst from the car. Frantic in my movements, and distress on my face, I ran to the door. I pounded on the sturdy wood, screaming at the top of my lungs.

The door banged open, and I stared for a second at the beautiful girl who opened it.

"Alice," I breathed in relief. All my fears evaporated at the sight of my best friend.

"Bella," Alice whispered. "We have a problem."

* * *

**Cliffie! I'm evil, I know.**

**Did anyone like Patricia in the last chapter? I'm thinking of re-working her into the story, but I won't if people didn't like her.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Thanks for all the awesome review! It's the most I've gotten for any chapter. Does this mean I always have to end in a cliffie? **

**And once again, **SubParPerfection's **tragic story has inspired me. **

**Enjoy!**

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CHAPTER 8

My heart stopped. "Problem?" I whispered in horror, my first thought of Edward.

Alice's face twisted. "Oh, Bella," she groaned.

I reached for her. "Alice, tell me!" I urged. "Please, Alice, just—" I fell silent when her eyes lost their focus. A vision.

"I can't see!" she shouted in frustration. Her cold hand slipped into mine. "Come on, Bella, we have to do something."

"Alice," I said, trying to keep my voice calm. "You have to tell me." I sounded stronger than I had just a minute ago.

She looked around quickly, and said, "Follow me," before dashing into the house. I ran after her, barely taking in the interior of the home.

She went into a room at the end of a hallway. I placed my hand against the heavy door and pushed it open. Alice was already on a laptop sitting on the desk. Her fingers flew over the keys so fast that I couldn't discern what she was typing.

"God," she breathed suddenly, leaning back with her usual gracefulness.

"Alice!" I exclaimed, my impatience clear.

"Oh, Bella," she sighed. Her arms were around me in a second, her vampire speed too fast for my human eyes. Her hug was tight—I was afraid that she would forget my frail humanness. But she was hyper-sensitive to my every move. She pulled back and looked at me.

"We need to talk."

* * *

"What you have to understand is that Edward thought he was doing the best thing for you," Alice explained, though her voice indicated that she disagreed with her adoptive brother. "He said we were too dangerous—that some day we would kill you, or worse." She winced. "Of course_ I_ know that's nonsense—but you know Edward." She smiled thinly. "And he made us leave, said that he needed to say goodbye by himself. It wasn't until after I left that I saw what he was planning to do—but by that time, it was too late, and Edward didn't come back to us." She frowned at the memory. "He called, sure, but wouldn't say anything. And—and I _didn't look for him_! I mean, I didn't _think_; Edward normally wouldn't be so stupid." A laugh. Strained, without humor. "He was tracking her."

I needed no clarifying. Victoria.

"He _does _love you," Alice said quietly. "I know what he said, but—"

"Oh, I've known for a long time he lied," I told Alice. "I mean, after all those months—"

She held my hand. "That doesn't excuse him. He shouldn't have said what he did."

"He was tracking?" I asked, attempting to change the subject.

The corners of Alice's mouth lifted briefly. "Yes. He's not very good."

A giggle escaped from my lips. I realized that it sounded odd; it's been a long while since things were _truly _funny to me.

Alice turned serious again. "I think he was still protecting you, however he could. But he followed her to South America, and it was a dead-end. She must have looped back some time . . ." she trailed off, then continued, stronger this time. "So he took a flight back to Texas. Then nothing."

My mouth was dry when I asked, "All of this you've seen, or has he talked to you?"

"A little of both. But when I say nothing, I mean _seeing_. He called after the flight to say not to worry,_ but I can't see_!" The desperation in her voice was a strange thing to behold. I'd always thought of the Cullens as perfect, and this despair was new to me.

"Where do you think he's gone?"

Alice gripped the chair she sat on. "I have _no idea_. But I thought that—" Here face went blank. I jumped up before I recognized the signs: another vision.

I waited in nervous silence as my best friend's face went from black to recognition to horror. "Oh, God, no!" she cried, racing out of the room. In another second, she was back, with her cell phone in her hands.

"Pick up!" she screamed into the phone angrily. I hear the click, and she spoke so fast that I couldn't understand. I did catch her last words: "Make it happen!"

She hung up, and stared at me. "I am so sorry, Bella," Alice said. "I just—"

"Tell me what you saw?" My demand came out as a question, and my voice cracked at the end.

Alice seemed pained at my request. "Maybe later, Bella?" she pleaded. "We still have to talk, and I'm sure you're tired—"

I glared. "Damn it, I'm sick of waiting for everyone else to call the shots! First Edward makes the choice to leave when it should have been_ my _choice!Then you, you're making the decisions! What about me? Don't my opinions matter? This involves me, Alice, and if you think I'm going to take everything lying down, then you're wrong!"

Alice didn't flinch. She looked unsurprised, even. "You've changed," she remarked. "Grown. Gotten . . . stronger." She smiled.

I was breathing heavily from my outburst. "So talk," I commanded.

She was nodding, her short hair swaying a bit. "You're right, of course; I'm beginning to think you'll always be right."

"That's only you," I teased.

Her white fingers brushed her neck absentmindedly. "I saw you go back to Forks," she began. The comment did not explain her terror. She could tell, and continued at a quickened pace. "I saw you leave, then I saw nothing. Just like when I try to reach Edward—something's blocking me. And I put two and two together—Edward's in Forks. But why? To see you? I don't think so. He would jeopardize everything he did a month and a half ago—he's too stubborn, too _right_. So why? I then I thought—what was he doing before? Tracking . . . Victoria." Her eyes met mine. "I think Victoria's in Forks."

My breath caught. I thought of my scent, and how Charlie would be in so much danger—

"And then I realized what Edward would think when you were not in Forks," Alice said, unaware of my partial break-down. "He would think you were with your mother, that you'd gotten over him, right?"

"Yeah?" I wasn't sure how that was relevant.

"Except, I'd seen you with Victoria in a vision, right after we left. Edward saw it too. You were standing beside her, and then—then you were dead. She'd snapped your neck." Her eyes burned.

I didn't move. Edward thought I was dead?

"Bella—" Alice breathed deeply, "We need to go to Forks _right now_."

"I don't understand!" I cried.

"He'll do something drastic. And Bella, my blind spot. I won't know what'll happen." Alice took my hand again. "I need your help to get Edward, and find out why I can't see anything. Will you do it?"

I squeezed her marble fingers. "Of course."

* * *

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	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Yay! An update! A lot of you have me on Story Alert, and while I love that people like my story, I'd love even more to hear what you liked! So please leave a review!**

**And thanks to all of those who already reviewed!**

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CHAPTER 9

Sometimes, when you sing a song you've sang a thousand times, you can't remember actually saying the words. Or you're playing your instrument, and you can't remember the notes you've just played, since the feel is as familiar to you as your mother's face. Or when you're on the field, and you make the play—you can't recall going through the motions. You know you've done them, you must have—you just can't remember.

That's how my flight with Alice was. I knew I must have gone through the motions—security, boarding the plane—but I couldn't conjure up those images from my memory. It was as if I had turned off my brain for those few hours, and when I turned it back on, I was missing that part of my day. It disturbed me.

Alice's actions worried me as well. She was constantly on her cell phone, first talking to Jasper, then Carlisle and Esme. I wondered about Rosalie and her husband Emmett, but I didn't ask. I couldn't bear the silence I knew would be my reply.

After renting a car (Alice had a fake ID), we began the journey to the Cullen's house.

"I have some things I should get," Alice had told me back in Delta Junction. "It won't take long—don't give it a second thought."

"Alice," I said on the way up the curving road, "Do you think—do you think Edward will do something terrible?"

She frowned. The unhappy look on her face was so different that what I'd previously seen on her, that I was afraid for a moment. "Like what, Bella? Kill someone?"

"Himself."

The words were so quiet, a human wouldn't have heard them. But Alice did. The car screeched to a stop, and she turned to me with wide eyes. "Why did you say that?" she asked, her voice high-pitched and frightened.

I gulped. "Because—because before he left, when we were watching _Romeo and Juliet_—he said, he said—that he'd—he'd—" my sobs choked me, and my tears clouded my vision. I felt Alice's cold arms wrap themselves around me, careful of my frail human bones.

"Bella," Alice whispered with conviction, "I will not let Edward hurt himself. I promise."

I shuddered and nodded into her sweet smelling hair. "I believe you."

"Good." Alice pulled away, and surveyed my face. "Do you want to go home? See Charlie?"

Just then, my phone rang. We both stared at it, and Alice seemed thoughtful.

I opened the cell. "Hello?" I squeaked.

"Bella? Are you okay? Where've you been?"

I didn't recognize the voice on the other end. It wasn't Edward, and it wasn't Charlie either. "Who is this?" I asked sharply.

"It's Jake. Jacob Black. Bella, you need to come to La Push—"

"What?" My head spun. I felt dizzy. La Push? But why?

"Jake, this isn't a good time." I tried to sound authoritative, but it came out as a plea.

"Bella—" Jake's voice was strained, "—I know we aren't great friends or anything, but I—we need you here. It's for your safety."

I worried at Jake's tone. He seemed scared, and my heart went out to him. Somehow, I knew that if we'd had more time, we would have become very good friends. "I'm going," I sighed. Hanging up the phone, I turned to Alice. "La Push?" I asked hopefully.

She played with the ends of her hair. "If you want," she said slowly, like she was trying to get me to change my mind without telling me why.

"Yes. Yes, please, Alice."

* * *

We were right outside the reservation. Alice suddenly looked pained, and she swerved off the road. My sister rested her forehead against the wheel and took a few deep breaths through her mouth.

"Alice?"

"I'm fine, Bella," she replied, although I could tell from the way she held herself that she had stopped breathing.

As she reached for the wheel again, I stilled her hand. "Alice, please, tell me." My eyes bore into hers. She flinched, and shifted her eyes away from mine. "Alice." My voice was stronger now, more confident.

"I smell something," she whispered. "I think it's a werewolf."

I dropped her hand. "A werewolf," I repeated numbly.

Alice closed her eyes and leaned back against the seat. "Yes, I think one—no, more, but—maybe eight? Yes, that sounds right, eight. God—so many."

"Why didn't you see this?' I demanded.

She spared me a withering glance. "If I did, I wouldn't have brought you here. Obviously, Jacob Black knows of these creatures—wasn't he the one to tell you about us? So he knows a vampire's only true enemy is the werewolf."

"How did you not see?" My mind was spinning around everything Jacob had ever said—the stories he told.

"Maybe—but then again, maybe not—perhaps they are the reason I cannot see—" her eyes burned bright, and I was reminded how _inhuman _she was, "—maybe they are blocking me."

I shook my head. "That doesn't make any sense," I argued. "Do they even know you can see the future?"

She shrugged. "Doesn't matter. If they have powers, they may be blocking me without realizing." Her cheeks twitched. "I wonder if they've been blocking Edward." The thought clearly amused her.

"Don't you care?" I cried. "What if they've hurt him? What—"

"I would know if my brother was harmed, Bella," Alice reassured me, abruptly very serious.

I glared at the buildings on the reservation. "I'm talking to Jacob."

Alice lunged and took a solid hold on my arm. "Bella, no! I can't let you put yourself in harm's way!"

I groaned in frustration. "Jacob would never hurt me!" I faked a move; it looked like I was falling sideways, toward Alice. She moved to accommodate me, and I bolted. I was out of the car and running to the reservation border, hearing what Alice was shouting behind me.

"Bella, we had a treaty years ago! I can't cross into their lands!"

* * *

I found Jacob Black standing at the edge of the reservation lands. He smiled at me, and gave me a hug. He squeezed me tightly, as if he would never let go.

"I was worried," he confessed as he let me go a few minutes later. "I thought maybe that leech wouldn't let you come."

"What are you talking about?"

He stared at me. "I know everything," he mumbled. "About them—what they are." He gulped. "Bella, I'm a werewolf."

* * *

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